sleepy sleepy sleepy, today has been longgg and i spent most of my shift at work looking/feeling extremely fragile from last nights antics but we closed the shop an hour early which was good, it meant i got to catch a bit of the sun and i have actually managed to get a slight tan!! it’s the first time i’ve tanned rather than burn in so long. it feels good. i’m contemplating dying my hair back brown tomorrow once i’m home from college, but i don’t know because i love being blonde but my hair was in such nicer condition when i used to have it brown. i guess i’ll just see what happens tomorrow. :) really not looking forward to getting up at 6 but i just keep thinking about tuesday and how i’ll be able to have the longest lay-in ever, hmmm yesssss.

i’m on my break at work, so jealous of everybody walking round in shorts and t shirts outside in the sun while i’m stuck indoors with shit air con so we all feel like we’re dying. there’s no air in here today! today we’ve started selling new summer desserts milkshakes, we have a tiramisu one which is amazing, a summer fruit salad one, banana and caramel, and another one which doesn’t really have a name yet but it tastes like those Fab ice lollies! yum yum. they look amazing too with loads of whipped cream and cherries on the top of them. so so goodddd. hardly anyone has even asked for a cold drink today despite how warm it is, pretty much every customer is wanting hot drinks which i really don’t understand! crazyyyyyyyy.

on my day off this tuesday i really wanna go to Lush and stock up on loads of hair/body stuff. i haven’t bought anything from there in so long and i really miss it! i got a fair amount of things for my birthday and christmas but i’ve long used them all up now and i am having withdrawal symptoms i swear haha. might try out one of their new ish solid perfumes too as they’re meant to be quite good?

hate hate hate that you haven’t spoken to me since this morning before i went to work. it’s killing me to not send you a little text or something. i’m really not liking feeling so pathetic and desperate. i’ve been trying to sleep for over an hour now but i just can’t because every five seconds i’m checking my phone even though i know fine well that you haven’t texted or rang me since the last time i checked. i’m annoying myself so much and need to take my mind off you but i don’t know how.

£60 worth of lingerie shopping, some new makeup, a hair appointment and a large bar of chocolate has made me feel slightly more cheery today. work took my mind off things for a large part of today but since the minute i started to head home this evening i just haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. i want to know what you’re doing and thinking about everything but i don’t want to be a pain and ask you because you’re probably out enjoying yourself and not even thinking about me or us at all. anyway, i’m happy with the things i bought today, it was all total comfort spending to make myself feel better. i also bought a new laptop yesterday which i’m liking so far. i’ll be glad to get rid of my old one as i’ve had it for five years and pretty much everything about is was faulty! i’m working a 12-6.30 shift tomorrow then meeting an old friend in town for the biggest catch up ever as we haven’t seen each other in months! tonight is just all about a long bubble bath, treating myself to a head to toe moisturising which i have been seriously slacking on the past week or so, fake tan, making my nails look pretty and then getting in to my fresh bed sheets to watch a movie and fall asleep early. 

my brother and dad are both sat downstairs in the living room which is directly under my bedroom. they’re practically shouting at eachother, do they not realise i’m trying to sleep here? there really is no need to talk so loud when you’re in the same room!

i really need a girly night out asap, a meal and then cocktails cocktails and more cocktails would be ideal. shame i’m skint and newcastle is boringly average no matter where you go.

although today has been one of the shittest days ever and i haven’t been able to stop bursting into tears, i have definitely had a nice few hours this evening with rachel who came to mine with chocolate to cheer me up then drove me down to the beach and we just sunbathed/chatted for ages in the sun. but now i’m back home i can’t stop thinking about things again and i really want to talk to you but i know it will just piss you off having me moaning to you again. all i want is a cuddle and for you to say everything will be okay but that isn’t going to happen any more.. :(

i think i’m gonna go make a strawberry and banana smoothie and make the most of this nice weather in the garden. gonna take all my fmp work outside with me and try to crack on with the last few bits and pieces i need to finish off. final show is in a couple of weeks then i have all of summer to look forward too. :)

i’ve spent this morning finishing off packing for london and doing a little bit of extra sketchbook work for my final major project. i’m really proud of myself with the amount of work i’ve put in to this project compared to others i’ve done over the past two years, i really wanna finish the course with a distinction so i need to keep adding things to my project right up until the deadline date in two weeks. 

i’m planning on spending the rest of the day soaking in a bubble bath that i’m running now, then just getting in to bed and having a super lazy afternoon/evening so i’m wide awake for work and then london tomorrow! 

i hate how whenever i need to take my inhaler, a few seconds after taking it i feel so dizzy and my heart does this horrible flutter thing which feels disgusting! yucky. :(

i’m currently sat on the floor in front of my wardrobe just staring at my clothes and not making any progress on packing. i’m so indecisive and trying to ‘pack light’ never works for me!!

i’ve been working so hard all day and i’ve finally nearly completed my fmp sketchbook! for my final major i’m doing a travel diary, starting on friday where i will get some photos at the train station in newcastle, then i will be travelling to london and will obviously take lots of photos while i’m down there. on the way back to newcastle i’ll be taking a couple of pictures too so it’s like a proper little story about what i did and where i went. :) then next week when i’m back at college i need to develop my rolls of film from london and pick about ten images to use for my finals, get copies for my sketchbook and finally write up an evaluation about how the whole project has been for me. i can’t believe i’m nearly finished my final year already, it seems like it’s gone super quick! i’m excited to get good grades (fingers crossed anyway!) and leave in june, i can’t wait to see what i’m doing this time next year. hopefully i’ll be living in london with a good job and earning a decent amount of money to get by on. i also want to save up to take a year to travel with a few people too, i really want to see the world and all the different people/cultures that you don’t see in this country. i find it so interesting and really want to travel while i’m young and still can!

i’ve had all my hours upped at work starting after i get back from london, gonna be doing loads more extra little shifts when they need someone and also got more hours added on to my usual days i’m in work. i’m excited to get paid considering the hours i’ve worked this month and the fact i’ll be getting my pay rise! happy chappy. :)